The deal of the century

*An imaginary letter to my buyers……………………..

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Buyer,

Thank you for the lovely dinner at Red Lobster. I tried to enjoy it as Mrs. Buyer sat there in utter despair.

I tried to ignore the fact that she so hates the idea of moving that she chewed off all her fingernails last night.

I tried to forget the 2 hours you spent fighting as we wrote out your offer .I tried to hope that you, Mrs. Buyer would change your mind and decide to love the idea of buying this house that you obviously hated.

I tried to laugh when you said that after you moved “you would never plant another flower, never do anything to make it home and instead would spend your days hanging out at the neighborhood bar and grow to weigh 300 pounds”

I know you were joking, but I also thought this prediction of misery could possibly be partly true. Maybe you would never get out of bed any more. Maybe you would just wander around in a ratty nightgown .Looking at wallpaper and cabinets that you despised. Maybe your spirit would really be broken.

After you guys left I sat here trying to finish up the paper work. I was in turmoil. ”How can I be a party to this?”

The clams were churning in my stomach .I felt nauseated.

I can not tell you how relieved I was when you called me an hour later and told me to tear up the contract and your earnest money check.

In the future I will not show you any houses unless they have all the qualities that BOTH of you would love. I also suggest that we not look at any more houses until your current home is listed, and Mrs. Buyer actually wants to move. I further suggest that you two have some serious discussions amongst yourselves, about moving. Before I am sitting there with pen and contract in hand.

It is my job to help make people happy. Find them their dream home. I will be happy to do this for you, once you decide that you are not already living in your dream home.

Sincerely, Mrs. Realtor

*Ah…life. You funny me sometimes.

*Our weather has been fabulous for the last few days. 75 baby!!! Today is the last day of this little reprieve from winter. So I must get out there and enjoy it, even if it means finally washing my disgusting windows.

*Yesterday we did look at an adorable little log house. But the neighborhood (and likely the neighbors) looked like something out of “Deliverance” Two of us brought cameras and for some reason we took zero pictures. Sorry about that.

* I must get busy. I have keys to return and explanations to be made.

Ya’ll have a wonderful day!